James discusses classification with help from Scott

After finding that the email conversation was marked "Unclassified"

Michelle:
Scott - why didn't you use Unofficial as the classification?

James:
Classification: Smelling slightly of pineapple

Michelle:
a far better classification choice than any other offered by the Department...

James:
Classification: COVERED IN BEES!!!

Scott:
Classification: Its all sticky. Its made of jam!

James:
Classification: Superficially resembles a Pekingese

Michelle:
now I'm getting funny looks from my colleagues because I keep laughing out loud...

You need to classify things as Likely to make you snort!

James:
Classification: Sounds like a water buffalo mating call

Scott:
Classification: High level snort hazard. Do not read if you take heart medication, are pregnant or like to sit at your desk at work pretending that you're playing a tuba.

James:
Classification: When printed, ground up, and snorted, will give you hallucinations of Dame Edna eating live chickens

Scott:
Classification: Squealing like a pig.

James:
Classification: Squelchy underfoot

Scott:
Classification: Unnecessary use of street slang, yo.

Michelle:
Classification: Going to distribute Christmas gifts

[Rebecca changes the email classification to: Likely to make you snort which breaks the email filter system and has to be changed]

Scott:
I had to raise the classification as the work filter didn't like it

James:
Classification raised from "Covered in bees" to "Covered in badgers".

Scott:
Which is one less than "Covered in hundreds of screaming pygmies with tiny sharp knives"

James:
I don't have to worry about them - GMail has a screaming pygmy filter.

They all get dropped into my Pygmy folder, where they get pureed and turned into pygmy jam (it tastes like a mix of lychee, mandarin, and mescaline).

Scott:
There's nothing like a pygmy jam sandwich for when the munchies hit.

Michelle:
indeed - nothing beats a pygmy jam sandwich for a small snack

*ducks*

Scott:
*throws pygmies*

James:
*puts some bread in the toaster*

Scott:
Those look the typed commands for the world's strangest pc text adventure game

James:
] inventory

You are carrying:
- dumpling
- map
- stick
- crown
- statue

] look crown

The crown appears to be made of solidified and moulded mollusc secretions. A tag inside identifies it as belonging to the King of Wrong, and also that it is size 45.

] look dumpling

You are not sure how, but the dumpling gives the impression of being sleazy. Handling it makes you feel cheap and dirty.

] eat dumpling

What are you, crazy?

] look map

It is a fold-out map of greater Wrongtown and its surrounds, including the twin cities of Grope and Goat.

] look stick

It is a very small spear. It must belong to a very small pygmy.

] look statue

This wooden statue is a small carved figurine of a corpulent figure bearing a ceremonial bib and bucket. A plaque on the bottom identifies it as the likeness of Omnommer the Devourer. It is heavy for its size.

Scott:
*snort*

] search statue

There's a bas relief sculpture on the statue's pedestal. It appears to be a coat of arms with two goats on either side of a wheel cheese with the motto "may vos exsisto labefactum in a goat". There appears to be a lever next to the coat of arms.

] pull lever

A door slides open in the wall next to you. A million screaming pygmies with tiny spears pour out.