After finding out that that there is such a thing as a Cockchafer Beetle:
James:
I absolutely must write a story with a protagonist called Mr Cockchafer now.
Scott:
Captain Cockchafer of the Queen's Rifles should be a series of books:
Cockchafer's Triumph
Cockchafer Goes to Africa
Cockchafer and the Crack fo Doom
Jolly Roger Cockchafer
Cockchafer: Lord of the Apes
Cockchafer Stands Tall
Cockchafer and The Groin Monkeys of the Belgian Congo
James:
Cockchafer of Scotland Yard
Cockchafer Returns
Cockchafer: Pioneer Submariner
Cockchafer Knows Best
The Further Adventures of Cockchafer
Cockchafer in New Guinea
Cockchafer Across the Sahara
Scott:
Cockchafer's Suprise
Cockchafer Swings Low
Cockchafer Against the Germans
Cockchafer Victorious
Cockchafer: Big Game Hunter
Cockchafer's Musket
James:
Cockchafer's Legion
Cockchafer in Love
Cockchafer's Last Stand
Cockchafer Abroad
Scott:
And every one of them have the same plot
Rebecca:
apart from the porn/erotic fiction ones which have a slightly different plot and sex
James:
Cockchafer in Leather
Cockchafer in Bondage
Cockchafer's Harem
Cockchafer and the Naughty Navy
...and the inevitable:
Cockchafer and the Case of the Chafed Cock
Scott:
And the cooking spin-off: Cockchafer's Chafing-Dish
James:
Cockchafer Behind Bars
Cockchafer Undercover
Nobody Can Touch Cockchafer
Some suggestions from Twitter:
Cockchafer on Broadway
Cockchafer Comes from Behind
Cockchafer and the Moustache of the Pharaoh
Scott:
Cockchafer and the Imposing Sausage
James:
From Twitter:
"If I remember my Cockchafer trivia correctly, Cockchafer: Pioneer Submariner was retitled Cockchafer Goes Down in Europe."
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
James has a thing
Rebecca:
You're such a geek
James:
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Rebecca:
No, I say it like it's a thing :)
Scott:
A thing with many tentacles and eyestalks and that stalks the moors at night singing about loss, love and glovepuppets.
James:
Didn't Robbie Burns write about that one?
I think it went like this:
O most grotesque beastie 'pon the moors
Knock ye not 'pon my doors
Ye puppets fill me wi' alarm
I dinnae want one 'pon my arm
Ye sing although I hope ye won't
I'll glass ye, just ye see 'f I don't
You're such a geek
James:
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Rebecca:
No, I say it like it's a thing :)
Scott:
A thing with many tentacles and eyestalks and that stalks the moors at night singing about loss, love and glovepuppets.
James:
Didn't Robbie Burns write about that one?
I think it went like this:
O most grotesque beastie 'pon the moors
Knock ye not 'pon my doors
Ye puppets fill me wi' alarm
I dinnae want one 'pon my arm
Ye sing although I hope ye won't
I'll glass ye, just ye see 'f I don't
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
James riffs the Old Spice guy
Rebecca:
There is chocolate calling to me... the siren voices are tempting me to nom
James:
What does chocolate sound like?
Michelle:
chocolate has a delicious deep dark voice
James:
Like the Old Spice guy?
"Hello ladies. Look at your salad, now back to me, now back at your salad, now back to me! Sadly, your salad isn't me, but if you stopped worrying about your calorie intake and started thinking about what tastes good, you could be eating me. Look away, look back... You're stuffing your face with the chocolate your snack could taste like!"
There is chocolate calling to me... the siren voices are tempting me to nom
James:
What does chocolate sound like?
Michelle:
chocolate has a delicious deep dark voice
James:
Like the Old Spice guy?
"Hello ladies. Look at your salad, now back to me, now back at your salad, now back to me! Sadly, your salad isn't me, but if you stopped worrying about your calorie intake and started thinking about what tastes good, you could be eating me. Look away, look back... You're stuffing your face with the chocolate your snack could taste like!"
Thursday, July 22, 2010
James finds new words
Your typo of the day: "homeosexual"
I think it would describe the state of being a closeted right wing political figure, with the higher dilution of gay pride having a great effect on his need to hook up with gay escorts or go to public toilets for an anonymous fumble.
I think it would describe the state of being a closeted right wing political figure, with the higher dilution of gay pride having a great effect on his need to hook up with gay escorts or go to public toilets for an anonymous fumble.
James and the whales
After reading this news article:
Rebecca:
I love how this article is clearly written for people in the northern hemisphere.
"The seas around Cape Town are teeming with whales and great white sharks during the winter months, which fall in the middle of the year."
James:
WITCHCRAFT!!!! I BLAME OBAMA!!!
Scott:
Yep, its a little known fact that the waters are so teeming with sharks and whales that ships have to be fitted with gian cow-catchers to push them all out of the way.
James:
In the winter months, anyway (in the MIDDLE of the year! the MIDDLE!) but at the ends of the year it's like a desert.
Only, you know, wet
Scott:
In particularly teeming middle winter years, locals will hire beach buggies and drive over the crammed together sea life to offshore islands they can't normally reach by car. Once there they'll strip naked under the moonlight and conduct arcane rituals to ensure the next winter will also arrive in the middle of the year.
James:
The not-mid-year-months, known by the locals as Endie-Yearie-Hottie-Time, see the ocean so devoid of life that the missing biomass causes the sea levels to drop dramatically. This is an excellent opportunity to retrieve lost cars that slipped through small gaps in the whales mid-year.
Scott:
And to fish out all those coins that fell out of pockets and slipped behind a whale.
Rebecca:
I love how this article is clearly written for people in the northern hemisphere.
"The seas around Cape Town are teeming with whales and great white sharks during the winter months, which fall in the middle of the year."
James:
WITCHCRAFT!!!! I BLAME OBAMA!!!
Scott:
Yep, its a little known fact that the waters are so teeming with sharks and whales that ships have to be fitted with gian cow-catchers to push them all out of the way.
James:
In the winter months, anyway (in the MIDDLE of the year! the MIDDLE!) but at the ends of the year it's like a desert.
Only, you know, wet
Scott:
In particularly teeming middle winter years, locals will hire beach buggies and drive over the crammed together sea life to offshore islands they can't normally reach by car. Once there they'll strip naked under the moonlight and conduct arcane rituals to ensure the next winter will also arrive in the middle of the year.
James:
The not-mid-year-months, known by the locals as Endie-Yearie-Hottie-Time, see the ocean so devoid of life that the missing biomass causes the sea levels to drop dramatically. This is an excellent opportunity to retrieve lost cars that slipped through small gaps in the whales mid-year.
Scott:
And to fish out all those coins that fell out of pockets and slipped behind a whale.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
James communicates for hell
Scott:
Yay for misreading emails! We just received an "informal outage notification" for system downtime in June which I misread as an "infernal outage notification".
The fires of hell have been shut down to resolve some coding issues.
James:
Attention all demons, devils, and associated evil spirits
Be aware that the raging fires of hell will be doused between 14:00 and 17:00 9CST (ninth circle standard time) for service works.
Infernal technicians will be using this time to scrape the still living and screaming remains of the eternally damned from the gas outlets. Please back up any demonic torture before the outage.
Thanks for reading.
Yay for misreading emails! We just received an "informal outage notification" for system downtime in June which I misread as an "infernal outage notification".
The fires of hell have been shut down to resolve some coding issues.
James:
Attention all demons, devils, and associated evil spirits
Be aware that the raging fires of hell will be doused between 14:00 and 17:00 9CST (ninth circle standard time) for service works.
Infernal technicians will be using this time to scrape the still living and screaming remains of the eternally damned from the gas outlets. Please back up any demonic torture before the outage.
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
James and the dinosaurs
Rebecca
Gotta love a HUGE bit of fear mongering...
Scott:
Billions of immigrants! Billions and billions! And they haven't eaten in billions of years!
James:
...and dinosaurs! Billions of them! Crossing our borders willy nilly, and not respecting out culture (especially the bit about not eating one another). You may laugh now, but you won't be laughing when you can't get a job because of cheap imported procompsognathus! You won't be laughing when the utahraptors demand their own radio station! You won't be laughing when the gallimimus set up a tent embassy in Canberra!
Scott:
And then we'll have billions of single mother allosaurs waiting in line at Centrelink for their handouts!
James:
Carelessly sweeping their tails around and knocking over the shitty plastic chairs!
Scott:
And demanding equal rights for gay and lesbian diplodoci!
James:
Gay Muslim carnotaurs wanting to adopt human babies JUST SO THEY CAN EAT THEM!!!
Scott:
And influence their young minds so that babies turn into baby-eaters themselves!
James:
Statistics have shown over and over again that babies who are eaten by dinosaurs will grow up to be baby-eating dinosaurs themselves!
BREAK THE CYCLE!!!
Scott:
Little Billy was a good Christian baby until he as adopted and eaten by Mr and Mr Triceratops and now he hangs around seedy bars in tight leather pants eating babies all day long! Don't let this happen to your baby!
James:
He got eaten by a pair of herbivores?
I don't think you're taking this seriously.
Scott:
Gay and lesbian dinosaurs don't discriminate between meat and veg!
Rebecca:
I officially declare that my new metformin medication and I get along... there have been a couple of minor tummy issues, but 2 in 14 days is far better than 6 a day.
James:
Hooray!
Of course, if we don't tighten up our immigration policy, you won't be able to get metformin because the PBS will have to be discontinued, thanks to cost blowouts caused by stegosaurs getting high on government-subsidised methamphetamines!
Rebecca:
Sadly my new medication isn't on the PBS, so I won't have to worry about whether it exists or not
James:
F--king stegosaurs!!!
Scott:
See? They're not even here yet and they're screwing Real Australians out of their god given not-at-all-communist socialised medicare! (and not medicarse as I just typo'd)
Rebecca:
*falls asleep at desk*
James:
*gasp* Communist fascist lesbian pterodactyls spiked her water!!!
Gotta love a HUGE bit of fear mongering...
Scott:
Billions of immigrants! Billions and billions! And they haven't eaten in billions of years!
James:
...and dinosaurs! Billions of them! Crossing our borders willy nilly, and not respecting out culture (especially the bit about not eating one another). You may laugh now, but you won't be laughing when you can't get a job because of cheap imported procompsognathus! You won't be laughing when the utahraptors demand their own radio station! You won't be laughing when the gallimimus set up a tent embassy in Canberra!
Scott:
And then we'll have billions of single mother allosaurs waiting in line at Centrelink for their handouts!
James:
Carelessly sweeping their tails around and knocking over the shitty plastic chairs!
Scott:
And demanding equal rights for gay and lesbian diplodoci!
James:
Gay Muslim carnotaurs wanting to adopt human babies JUST SO THEY CAN EAT THEM!!!
Scott:
And influence their young minds so that babies turn into baby-eaters themselves!
James:
Statistics have shown over and over again that babies who are eaten by dinosaurs will grow up to be baby-eating dinosaurs themselves!
BREAK THE CYCLE!!!
Scott:
Little Billy was a good Christian baby until he as adopted and eaten by Mr and Mr Triceratops and now he hangs around seedy bars in tight leather pants eating babies all day long! Don't let this happen to your baby!
James:
He got eaten by a pair of herbivores?
I don't think you're taking this seriously.
Scott:
Gay and lesbian dinosaurs don't discriminate between meat and veg!
Rebecca:
I officially declare that my new metformin medication and I get along... there have been a couple of minor tummy issues, but 2 in 14 days is far better than 6 a day.
James:
Hooray!
Of course, if we don't tighten up our immigration policy, you won't be able to get metformin because the PBS will have to be discontinued, thanks to cost blowouts caused by stegosaurs getting high on government-subsidised methamphetamines!
Rebecca:
Sadly my new medication isn't on the PBS, so I won't have to worry about whether it exists or not
James:
F--king stegosaurs!!!
Scott:
See? They're not even here yet and they're screwing Real Australians out of their god given not-at-all-communist socialised medicare! (and not medicarse as I just typo'd)
Rebecca:
*falls asleep at desk*
James:
*gasp* Communist fascist lesbian pterodactyls spiked her water!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)