Saturday, May 29, 2010

James communicates for hell

Scott:
Yay for misreading emails! We just received an "informal outage notification" for system downtime in June which I misread as an "infernal outage notification".

The fires of hell have been shut down to resolve some coding issues.

James:
Attention all demons, devils, and associated evil spirits

Be aware that the raging fires of hell will be doused between 14:00 and 17:00 9CST (ninth circle standard time) for service works.
Infernal technicians will be using this time to scrape the still living and screaming remains of the eternally damned from the gas outlets. Please back up any demonic torture before the outage.

Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

James and the dinosaurs

Rebecca
Gotta love a HUGE bit of fear mongering...

Scott:
Billions of immigrants! Billions and billions! And they haven't eaten in billions of years!

James:
...and dinosaurs! Billions of them! Crossing our borders willy nilly, and not respecting out culture (especially the bit about not eating one another). You may laugh now, but you won't be laughing when you can't get a job because of cheap imported procompsognathus! You won't be laughing when the utahraptors demand their own radio station! You won't be laughing when the gallimimus set up a tent embassy in Canberra!

Scott:
And then we'll have billions of single mother allosaurs waiting in line at Centrelink for their handouts!

James:
Carelessly sweeping their tails around and knocking over the shitty plastic chairs!

Scott:
And demanding equal rights for gay and lesbian diplodoci!

James:
Gay Muslim carnotaurs wanting to adopt human babies JUST SO THEY CAN EAT THEM!!!

Scott:
And influence their young minds so that babies turn into baby-eaters themselves!

James:
Statistics have shown over and over again that babies who are eaten by dinosaurs will grow up to be baby-eating dinosaurs themselves!

BREAK THE CYCLE!!!

Scott:
Little Billy was a good Christian baby until he as adopted and eaten by Mr and Mr Triceratops and now he hangs around seedy bars in tight leather pants eating babies all day long! Don't let this happen to your baby!

James:
He got eaten by a pair of herbivores?

I don't think you're taking this seriously.

Scott:
Gay and lesbian dinosaurs don't discriminate between meat and veg!

Rebecca:
I officially declare that my new metformin medication and I get along... there have been a couple of minor tummy issues, but 2 in 14 days is far better than 6 a day.

James:
Hooray!

Of course, if we don't tighten up our immigration policy, you won't be able to get metformin because the PBS will have to be discontinued, thanks to cost blowouts caused by stegosaurs getting high on government-subsidised methamphetamines!

Rebecca:
Sadly my new medication isn't on the PBS, so I won't have to worry about whether it exists or not

James:
F--king stegosaurs!!!

Scott:
See? They're not even here yet and they're screwing Real Australians out of their god given not-at-all-communist socialised medicare! (and not medicarse as I just typo'd)

Rebecca:
*falls asleep at desk*

James:
*gasp* Communist fascist lesbian pterodactyls spiked her water!!!

James and his magical underpants

Rebecca:
Awww you stopped... but I will blog you anyway!

James:
You can't. I'm wearing my magical mormon blog-proof underpants.

Rebecca:
They are not proof against me. I will blog and you can't stop me!

James:
But... but... I'm wearing a second pair of them on my head!

Scott:
We can't be blogged for our ideas are so outlandish that blogging software can't cope with their sheer awesomeness

James:
That's right. Blogger with pop up a "too awesome to be blogged - I am not worthy" error and shut itself down.

Rebecca:
As awesome as you both are, and as awesome as your ideas are... blogger is insufficiently sentient to notice

James:
It is screaming silently, unable to communicate its horror.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

James and the sinus goats

Rebecca:
you and Scott need to continue being funny so I can blog you

Scott:
Gah. I feel like a milking cow. You've attached your blogging machine to my nether regions and am sucking all my essential weird juices out.

James:
"Here, taste this milkshake!"
"Uh... it's a weird colour..."
"Oh, that's... food colouring. Yeah. Go on, drink it! It's delicious!"
"Ur... kay..." *slurp* "CHRIST!!! What is this cr-" . . . "WEASEL
DOCTORS EXPUNGE THE CHEESE FROM MY NETHER KIDNEYS!!!"
"Eeeexcellent."

Scott:
"Side effects: Prolonged use may result in goats."

James:
"Oh, that's not so bad. Goats are cute, I sup-"
"Growing out of your sinuses."
"ARGH!"

Scott:
"Consult a goatherd if symptoms persist."