...with chainsaws welded to it.
...while still attached to the wankers' heads.
Next on Jerry Springer: My zombie boyfriend ate my mother, but I still love him!
Obnoxious Audience Member: "Uh, yeah, hi. Ah juz wanted ta ask the boyfrien' a question. How do you sleep at night, buddy? Ah mean, how can you live with what you done?"
Zombie Boyfriend: "Gwrraaaaaaahhhh..."
Jerry: "Well, technically he doesn't have to sleep at night or live with himself..."
Mr Excitement arrives at the office. He tastes his morning coffee and his eyes widen! "My god! It's... it's... sweet! They added two sugars instead of one!" Immediately he leaps into action!
[Fanfare.] "Everybody! Listen to me! The fate of the world rests on your answer to this question..." The whole office leans expectantly, awaiting the words of pure excitement from Mr Excitement's lips. "Does anyone take their coffee with two sugars? If so..." [Dramatic chord.] "...you can have this coffee for free!"
That's the Excitement King, not Mr Excitement. Sheesh. I shall not have my royalty belittled
This story takes place before Mr Excitement is contacted by a snobby lawyer, telling him he is the sole heir to the Duchy of Excitement. It is not until some time later that the Duchy of Excitement leads a coup de'tat and claims the throne of Excitement.