Friday, October 29, 2010

James creates a new character

After finding out that that there is such a thing as a Cockchafer Beetle:

I absolutely must write a story with a protagonist called Mr Cockchafer now.

Captain Cockchafer of the Queen's Rifles should be a series of books:

Cockchafer's Triumph
Cockchafer Goes to Africa
Cockchafer and the Crack fo Doom
Jolly Roger Cockchafer
Cockchafer: Lord of the Apes
Cockchafer Stands Tall
Cockchafer and The Groin Monkeys of the Belgian Congo

Cockchafer of Scotland Yard
Cockchafer Returns
Cockchafer: Pioneer Submariner
Cockchafer Knows Best
The Further Adventures of Cockchafer
Cockchafer in New Guinea
Cockchafer Across the Sahara

Cockchafer's Suprise
Cockchafer Swings Low
Cockchafer Against the Germans
Cockchafer Victorious
Cockchafer: Big Game Hunter
Cockchafer's Musket

Cockchafer's Legion
Cockchafer in Love
Cockchafer's Last Stand
Cockchafer Abroad

And every one of them have the same plot

apart from the porn/erotic fiction ones which have a slightly different plot and sex

Cockchafer in Leather
Cockchafer in Bondage
Cockchafer's Harem
Cockchafer and the Naughty Navy

...and the inevitable:

Cockchafer and the Case of the Chafed Cock

And the cooking spin-off: Cockchafer's Chafing-Dish

Cockchafer Behind Bars
Cockchafer Undercover
Nobody Can Touch Cockchafer

Some suggestions from Twitter:

Cockchafer on Broadway
Cockchafer Comes from Behind
Cockchafer and the Moustache of the Pharaoh

Cockchafer and the Imposing Sausage

From Twitter:

"If I remember my Cockchafer trivia correctly, Cockchafer: Pioneer Submariner was retitled Cockchafer Goes Down in Europe."

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

James has a thing

You're such a geek

You say that like it's a bad thing.

No, I say it like it's a thing :)

A thing with many tentacles and eyestalks and that stalks the moors at night singing about loss, love and glovepuppets.

Didn't Robbie Burns write about that one?

I think it went like this:

O most grotesque beastie 'pon the moors
Knock ye not 'pon my doors
Ye puppets fill me wi' alarm
I dinnae want one 'pon my arm
Ye sing although I hope ye won't
I'll glass ye, just ye see 'f I don't