James and the Goatfinder General

James:
"Do you deny that you are in league with Satan, that through his dark powers you are granted unholy magic, and that to curry his favour you cavort naked by moonlight and engage in sinful, savage ceremonies?"
"Baaa!"
"IT CONFESSES!"

Scott:
"I seen 'em! I seen 'em with me own eyes! They gather at night, they do, in the meadow for their unholy satanic rituals of lying down and burping quietly! But that's not the worst of it - they do it all while naked!"
"Evildoer! Is this true, that you consort naked with devil in afrenzy of goatish lusts?!"
"Baaa!"
"My lord, it is naked as we speak!"
"Baaa!"

James:
"Your honour, look at its feet! Cloven hoofs, like as to the Dark Prince himself!"

Scott:
"And horns! Just like those of he who fell from grace! And fleece! Does it not wear the very fleece of Satan??"
"The fleece of satan? I never pictured the dark one as woolly, more sort of....scaly."
"Uh.....well, yeah. I was kinda on a roll, sorry."
"Nono, my fault, please keep going, you were doing very well."

James:
"Um... the beard?"
"YES!!! THE BEEEAAAAARRD!!!! Such as that which graces the very chin of the Dark Lord himself!"

Scott:
"And the ears! The ears that droop in ways most unholy!"

James gives direction to Scott

Scott:
The important question: is [new staff member] likely to go insane like the last few people I was given?

James:
Does Cthulhu slumber endlessly underneath your water cooler or something?

Scott:
Yeah, though we call him George these days. He's good for football tips and always waves a tentacle when someone walks by.

James:
Scott, just remind your staff before they begin their inevitable slide into gibbering insanity that the Expiring Narrator literary device is very poor form, especially in epistolary writing. If I catch anyone writing, "Ah, I am dying!" there'll be trouble, particularly if the narrative ends with a final sentence interrupted by an em-dash or ellipse.