Scott:
The important question: is [new staff member] likely to go insane like the last few people I was given?
James:
Does Cthulhu slumber endlessly underneath your water cooler or something?
Scott:
Yeah, though we call him George these days. He's good for football tips and always waves a tentacle when someone walks by.
James:
Scott, just remind your staff before they begin their inevitable slide into gibbering insanity that the Expiring Narrator literary device is very poor form, especially in epistolary writing. If I catch anyone writing, "Ah, I am dying!" there'll be trouble, particularly if the narrative ends with a final sentence interrupted by an em-dash or ellipse.
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