James exorcises Tony Abbott

Scott:
Bleah go the sinuses, bleah bleah bleah.

James:
*pulls string* The cow goes... Mooooo!
*pulls string* The sinuses go... BLEEEAAAARRGH!!!
*pulls string* Tony Abbot goes... *fap fap fap fap fap fap*

Scott:
*boggle*

The images..............do not want!

James:
"Daddy, I don't like this toy any more."

Scott:
"It whispers things in the night.....horrible, horrible things."

James:
"What kind of things, son?"
"I can't... I can't repeat them!"
"But..."
"No! Too horrible!"
"Please son, you need to talk to me so I can help you."
"Okay... it... it says... 'Tony Abbott for Prime Minister'!" *sob*

Scott:
"And then I hear a furtive rustle followed by.......slapping sounds. It sounds a bite like.....fapfapfapfap. And then I feel vomit in the back of my mouth."

James:
"Quick, there's no time to waste! I need an old priest, a young priest, ten litres of holy water, a DVD copy of The Dismissal, and Gough Whitlam!"

[later]

"Begone from this place! Return whence you came, monster! You do not belong in the 21st century!"

Scott:
"Fools! Banishing me from this plane will simply return me to the nether hells of the backbenches! You cannot destroy me! My demonic influence touches all!"

James:
"Cover your ears! He is going to spout obscenities!"
"Girls must always wear skirts! Good girls don't have sex before marriage! RAAAARGH!!!"

James got blogged and then nose goblins

Rebecca:
I went through my mail archive and have now blogged James more

James:
*rolls eyes*

Next you'll start singing "I like your old stuff better than your new stuff".

Rebecca:
well I wanted to keep some of my old emails. And blogging you was easy... and amusing

James:
[sings] Blooooggin' you... is easy cause you're bloggable... doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doooo... AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Scott:
I don't remember the scream being part of the song.

Rebecca:
*dies*

James:
Oh noes!!!

. . .

*steals wallet*

Rebecca:
Hey.....

James:
It wasn't me! It was... that... other guy... with my name...

Scott:
James Dominguez the famous seal hurdler?

James:
Obviously not me - I tried to leap over a walrus once, but I tripped on its tusk and might have been badly injured had I not landed on a penguin.

Scott:
Not James Dominguez, inventor of the rotary chicken sexer?

James:
No, that wasn't me, and if you say it was I will sue you.

Scott:
Not James Dominguez, physicist and founder of the controversial "Parallel Bollocks" theory?

James:
He was a shameless fraud.

Scott:
That means you must be James Dominguez, investigative journalist and author of the famous "Nose Goblins: America's Secret Epidemic" report.

James:
Okay, that one was me, but I wasn't serious.

Plus, I was quite drunk.

Scott:
But that report panicked a nation! Millions of people ran to their doctors demanding they do something about the legions of goblins hiding in their noses!

James:
On the other hand, it did lead to the serendipitous discovery of those life-threatening nose-dwelling microzebras.

James writes his own in train poetry

I call this poem...

STENCH

Swaying, rocking
In the metal and nylon arms
Of an uncaring mother
Peering at the blur
Houses, graffiti, more

Sleep weighs me down
Heavy eyelids, like
The stone lids of tombs
I stare dumbly outside
A metal womb with a view

But no!
A cruel steel crowbar
Jammed into the dull gap of my wakefulness!
Tired eyes fill
With griefless tears!

It is only 8am!
How could your underarms
Already smell so bad?

*bows politely to scattered applause*