Amber:
So off to keep hemming pants.
James:
God, I was certain you wrote "herring pants" for a moment there.
Scott:
There's something fishy about the concept of herring pants.
James:
Do you wear them with a cod piece?
Scott:
Only if you have crabs.
James:
Caught at the gym, off the seat of the nautilus machine.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
James the advocate
Amber:
My boss just told threatened to fire me for owning SaltnPepa CDs and not setting them on fire.
James:
That's totally unfair! She can't discriminate against you for having a disability.
My boss just told threatened to fire me for owning SaltnPepa CDs and not setting them on fire.
James:
That's totally unfair! She can't discriminate against you for having a disability.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
James forcasts the stupidity index
Rebecca:
And what will be the indicators of stupidity?
James:
In early trading this morning the Federal Stupidity Index (FSI) took a battering after last night's eminently sensible announcements by the president. Barry Mouthbreather, CEO of the Reserve Stupidity Bank, has called a press conference, and is expected to announce a large release of stupidity stocks to prop up the ailing FSI.
And what will be the indicators of stupidity?
James:
In early trading this morning the Federal Stupidity Index (FSI) took a battering after last night's eminently sensible announcements by the president. Barry Mouthbreather, CEO of the Reserve Stupidity Bank, has called a press conference, and is expected to announce a large release of stupidity stocks to prop up the ailing FSI.
James rebels
Rebecca:
You shouldn't have lunchtime at say breakfast. That wouldn't work at
James:
I refuse to bow to the demands of the Sustenance Chronology Hegemony! I take my lunch at breakfast! I eat cornflakes for my midnight snack! Ice cream is a main course and bacon may be a dessert! Freedom!
You shouldn't have lunchtime at say breakfast. That wouldn't work at
James:
I refuse to bow to the demands of the Sustenance Chronology Hegemony! I take my lunch at breakfast! I eat cornflakes for my midnight snack! Ice cream is a main course and bacon may be a dessert! Freedom!
Friday, October 12, 2007
James on the history of the printing press
Michelle:
so obviously HUBBA HUBBA is passe
James:
More archaic than anything. I believed that fell out of use with the introduction of the Gutenberg press.
Scott:
Though the introduction of printing did lead to some amusing mistakes, such as the infamous "Hubba Hubba" Bible
James:
so obviously HUBBA HUBBA is passe
James:
More archaic than anything. I believed that fell out of use with the introduction of the Gutenberg press.
Scott:
Though the introduction of printing did lead to some amusing mistakes, such as the infamous "Hubba Hubba" Bible
James:
*snort*
"...and King David didst look upon Bathsheba as she bathed upon the roof, and he didst say unto his servants, 'Phwoar, check out the jugs on that!'"
"...and King David didst look upon Bathsheba as she bathed upon the roof, and he didst say unto his servants, 'Phwoar, check out the jugs on that!'"
Thursday, October 4, 2007
James's political promises
Amber:
I find the phrase 'chicken politics' quite strange taken out of context
James:
"No new taxes! Read my beak! No new taxes!"
Scott:
"The decision to cut the waterfowl intake for the year is not one based on race! They just do not fit in with decent, white chicken society!"
James:
"What you need to understand is that, during a pecking-order campaign, many promises are made. Once the election has occurred and the pecking order has been established, some of these promises may be judged to be core, and others non-core. My promise that I would not be introducing a 10% surcharge on all seed was an example of a non-core promise."
"We will fight them in the farmyard! We will fight them in the henhouse! And we will never, ever surrender!"
"Never before, in the field of chicken conflict, have so many eggs been laid by so few."
Nixon: "I am not a chook!"
Reagan: "Eggs were laid."
I find the phrase 'chicken politics' quite strange taken out of context
James:
"No new taxes! Read my beak! No new taxes!"
Scott:
"The decision to cut the waterfowl intake for the year is not one based on race! They just do not fit in with decent, white chicken society!"
James:
"What you need to understand is that, during a pecking-order campaign, many promises are made. Once the election has occurred and the pecking order has been established, some of these promises may be judged to be core, and others non-core. My promise that I would not be introducing a 10% surcharge on all seed was an example of a non-core promise."
"We will fight them in the farmyard! We will fight them in the henhouse! And we will never, ever surrender!"
"Never before, in the field of chicken conflict, have so many eggs been laid by so few."
Nixon: "I am not a chook!"
Reagan: "Eggs were laid."
James is wrong
After this story
James:
Bottoms up!
Scott, back me up here - my "bottoms up" comment was solid comedy gold, wasn't it?
Scott:
Indeed, I curse your quick-wittedness for coming up with it first. I would also have accepted from you something along the lines of "he was just arsing about"
a joke in the vein that the enema was a kind of "crack pipe" would also have been acceptable
Rebecca:
*laugh* Scott you rock
James:
Damn it. I snorted.
Thankfully I'm sick so people might have mistaken it for a disgusting sick person noise.
Scott:
I rock like a man with a hose in his bottom.
James:
AND AGAIN!!!
Curse you!
Scott:
"This is Red Leader reporting that both snort missiles have hit their target. I say again, target is down."
James:
"Now, young Jedi, witness the power of this full operational Deathsnort!"
Scott:
"That snort came from the Deathsnort! That thing's operational!"
James:
"It's heading for that small moon..."
"That's no moon... it's a snortstation..."
Scott:
"Your feeble snorts are no match for the power of the Dark Snort!"
James:
"It's your father's snortsabre. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. A more civilised snort for a more civilised time."
James:
Bottoms up!
Scott, back me up here - my "bottoms up" comment was solid comedy gold, wasn't it?
Scott:
Indeed, I curse your quick-wittedness for coming up with it first. I would also have accepted from you something along the lines of "he was just arsing about"
a joke in the vein that the enema was a kind of "crack pipe" would also have been acceptable
Rebecca:
*laugh* Scott you rock
James:
Damn it. I snorted.
Thankfully I'm sick so people might have mistaken it for a disgusting sick person noise.
Scott:
I rock like a man with a hose in his bottom.
James:
AND AGAIN!!!
Curse you!
Scott:
"This is Red Leader reporting that both snort missiles have hit their target. I say again, target is down."
James:
"Now, young Jedi, witness the power of this full operational Deathsnort!"
Scott:
"That snort came from the Deathsnort! That thing's operational!"
James:
"It's heading for that small moon..."
"That's no moon... it's a snortstation..."
Scott:
"Your feeble snorts are no match for the power of the Dark Snort!"
James:
"It's your father's snortsabre. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. A more civilised snort for a more civilised time."
James reviews a script
Amber:
The film's called 'The Saved and the Sinful' and I get my script in 2 weeks
James:
Sounds like Jane Austen on crack.
Or an apocalyptic themed daytime soapie.
"Oh, Wayne, I'm so sorry..."
"What is it, Deborah? Tell me!"
"Wayne Junior... he... isn't your son!"
"I always suspected. But tell me, who is the father?"
"LUCIFER!!!"
The film's called 'The Saved and the Sinful' and I get my script in 2 weeks
James:
Sounds like Jane Austen on crack.
Or an apocalyptic themed daytime soapie.
"Oh, Wayne, I'm so sorry..."
"What is it, Deborah? Tell me!"
"Wayne Junior... he... isn't your son!"
"I always suspected. But tell me, who is the father?"
"LUCIFER!!!"
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